Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
