My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
