I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
