I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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