I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
