Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
