I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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