Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
