I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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