I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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