yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
