All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
