Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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