Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
