singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
