he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
