She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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