Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
