shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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