I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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