Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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