I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
