Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
