you turned your livingroom into a bong?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
