I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
