How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
