you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
