wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
