meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
