True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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