He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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