I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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