Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
