my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
