He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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