i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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