This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
