Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
