Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My ass is underappreciated
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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