My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
