What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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