Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
