planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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