when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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