Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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