how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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