What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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