it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
