I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
