hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
