ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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