I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize