Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
